you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
