explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
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