I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
my being single is dangerous.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
did you just send me my own nude
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Randomize
