I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
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