My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
