I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
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