We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
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