I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
I am in a vortex of obligation.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
