You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
