Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
She told me I should be a condom model.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
