Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
