I hate your face
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
