i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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