awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
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