How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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