i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
I'm jealous of your bromance
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
