i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Randomize
