billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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