Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
my mouth tastes like poor choices
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
