Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Randomize
