I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
