Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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