all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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