whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
