I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
