Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I just got carded by a ten year old.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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