is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize
