Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
We need to get me chipped asap
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
