She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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