honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Randomize
