I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
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