Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
