I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
