your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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