omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Randomize
