he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Randomize
