dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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