I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
