that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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