what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
