I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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