blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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