Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Randomize
