I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Randomize
