i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Randomize
