Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Randomize
