I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Even my vagina gasped.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
