You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
