a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Randomize
