I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
