you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
