I'm eating all of the evidence.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
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