Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
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